A Kirkby Man has won the Turner Art Prize after a bizarre set of circumstances which saw the local man scooping the top prize in the controversial art contest. Billy Mc Skiver of Southdene Kirkby spoke to Kirkby times about the shock result.

Billy's Artistic piece entitled "Jack Russell" consists of his dead Jack Russell 'nailed' to a piece of plywood. Billy had accidentally run over his dog 'Jacko' who was flattened onto a piece of plywood with nails protruding.

Below, is it art or just a dead dog on plywood which looks a mess?

"I was coming back from Phil Tommo's Hardware Store with some more plywood for a shed I was building" Billy told our reporter in the nearby Falcon Public House, "I'd left a panel in the driveway, already nailed as it was taken off another part of the shed" Billy Points to the Shed which stands proudly in his small garden "I left old Jacko my dog behind as usual and he must have fell asleep on the piece of plywood. When I reversed into the drive, my vision was obscured by the plywood I had purchased, and I drove right over Jacko"

Dog Memorial

The weight of the car crushed the poor dog which was nailed solid to the plywood. Billy tells us that "He was like a bin lid with brown and white fur, it was obvious he was dead so I went on a week long drinking binge to drown my sorrows and pay respect to Jacko" In the week or so which passed, Jacko's body became mummified and Billy and a few drinking partners took the mummified dog on the plywood board to local pub The Falcon. For a few days the flattened Dog on a plywood board became a 'dog memorial' for dog owning drinkers until a chance visit by a Journalist who took a shot of the memorial.

Taxi to London

After a photograph was published in the Scottish Daily Post, the Dog Story was picked up by renowned Art expert 'Quentin Benjamin Stokewither', who declared the dog memorial 'the most important artistic statement I have ever come across" soon enough, more artists came forward including Damien Hurst who announced the 'dog memorial' to be "even more important than the second world war". Viviane Westwood has also spoke out and said that the dog memorial was "fashion personified" and "the spiritual essence of orgasm" Billy's dog was entered in the shortlist for the Turner prize, it won outright with Billy and 5 mates being driven to London by Taxi to the ceremony to collect the cheque for £70,000.

In Dog Heaven

Following the Turner Prize victory the dog memorial renamed 'Jack Russell' was subject to an auction war. Billy was gobsmacked once the interest in his dead dog took off. "I'm just an ordinary bloke from Kirkby who found Elton John was bidding against Richard Branson and Eric Clapton to buy my dead dog, I still cannot fu****** believe I got £456,000 for it! It's just mad!" Billy shows us a photo of Jacko "Some have said it was sick to let Jacko be hung on some Rich bloke's wall for art, but I know Jacko is in Dog Heaven now, chasing angels and getting dog treats off the saints"

Below, Jacko in better days, before he became 'art'

'Pseudo artistic renaissance pieces'

We ask Billy if he has plans for more works of Art. He confesses that he has had to move due to "all sorts of cranks offering me money for mad things" apparently a Japanese businessman offered £50'000'000'000'000'000'000 yen (=£200'000) for the actual wheel that ran Jacko over, offers have come from the USA for the driveways tarmac and even Jacko's old bowl and collar and lead have been spoken of as possible 'pseudo artistic renaissance pieces' according to leading French art Magazine 'Bolleux Moderne'. Billy scoffs at talk of more art. "I've got enough ale money to last me the rest of my life, and everyone knows that all this modern art stuff is a load of shi**, I was just drunk when I took the dead dog to the pub, its not art! It's just a fu***** dead dog nailed to a dirty bit of wood" The art World disagrees though.

You are art, yet art is you!

New art form of the 21st century?

Leading Art critic Sir Maxwell Hypocrisy told Kirkby Times that "The symbolism and intellectual balance of 'Jack Russell' reduced me and many cynics to tears when we were given a private viewing of this stunning piece. The contrast between the symbolic dead animal and the plywood, set off with the protruding nails, is universal in its simplicity, yet so complicated as to leave one asking, why? Who? What? When? And even where? This montage of emotions draws you into a world of interactive 'being' where you the viewer become in effect the question personified. You become art itself. You are art, yet art is you. The essence of Jack Russell can not be seen. That is the essence of this piece. It has to be felt." Sir Maxwell's 4 hour speech to the Annual Artistic Indulgence Festival called for Billy Mc Skiver to be knighted and concluded that "Jack Russell is the new art form of the 21st century; it has set standards which remain elusive in their complicated simplicity"

Kirkby an Artistic Capital of Culture

Meanwhile, in the Falcon Pub in Kirkby, Billy sits at a corner table with his mates chatting about the afternoons racing. Other regulars are busy making deals on mobile phones with over 30 drinkers now in the process of selling 'art'. Kirkby has, for the moment, gained a reputation as an artistic enclave in the North West. Billy offers advice to an anxious youth who cradles a dead budgie and suggests nailing it to a dead pigeon which another drinker has arranged on a dart board. "We had a bloke who works in Knowsley Safari Park offering a dead Zebra which had been struck by a stolen car, a German businessman paid £200'000 for it" He laughs as he picks his pint up off a crowded table "I called it Zebra crossing"

Debbies Dream

We speak to Debbie, a mother of four who dug up a collection of pets buried in the family's garden. Debbie is busy typing on the keyboard of a laptop; she sold a piece entitled 'childhood lost and found'. Her 'artistic piece' which won the 'MTV New Art award' has enabled Debbie to give up her Job at Sayers. "I just glued the skeletons of two cats and four budgies on a snakes and ladders board, then Billy got Bono of U2 to buy it for £346'000'000 euros" (almost £200'000) "Its always been my dream to be able to pay someone to break my husbands legs, now, thanks to Billy, i can!"

Positive Success in Kirkby!

Other success stories include Danny Fiddler aged 7 who accidentally froze tadpoles in an ice cube tray, his father contacted Billy Mc Skiver and negotiated a deal worth almost £500'000 for the piece entitled "frog ice" Tony Donothing of Tower Hill sold a swarm of mayflies entitled "24 hours" to an Arab collector who bought the piece 34 times at £45'000. Janet Safeway sold a collection of dead wasps in a jam jar with jam smeared around the lid entitled "sweet sting" for £120'000 and a controversial piece which featured a headless chicken in a frying pan surrounded by rice called "the dead chicken fried rice" was sold for £79'000 to a famous movie star.

Dolly Birds

Billy tells us that fame will never change him. "I was drunk when i was poor and now it just means i can stand more rounds." Billy adds a note of caution "I've got to watch out for 'Dolly Birds' now i'm rich" He points to a picture which takes pride of place behind the bar. "god bless my dog Jacko" he raises a glass and other drinkers follow suit offering homage to a poor Jack Russell and thanking their good fortune. "he was a good dog" he adds.

Below, Jacko the Jack Russell.