Kirkby Times photographer has been involved in an 'ugly incident' with Ricky Tomlinson, the popular Liverpool Actor and Banjo player. The incident saw Ricky throwing punches and losing it big time on an Inter City train from London Euston to Liverpool Lime St. Heres the tale from the horse's mouth below!

I had to go to London on an errand, and was glad to be on my way back to Liverpool after being in the Slums of London for an unfortunate couple of hours. I made my way to Euston Station and had a couple of drinks in the nearby Travelers Rest pub. I also bought 12 cans of lager to see me through the Journey home. Whilst in the Pub, I spotted Ricky Tomlinson and decided to offer to buy him a drink. As chance would have it, he was waiting for the same train as me and actually bought me a drink as he had just ordered a pint.

Classic Ricky: Classic Scouse Entertainment!

Ricky told me he was 'looking forward to his wedding' and then got his banjo out to entertain the nearby crowds of commuters and travelers. This was classic Scouse entertainment and I joined in duetting on 'Liverpool Lou' and 'Play in yer own back yard'. Ricky was in good form. The old Scouse songs gave way to 60's songs, and Ricky played 'All Along the Watch Tower' followed by an unusual rendition of 'Purple haze' A crowd of Black youths joined us and Ricky instantly won them over with an old scouse rendition of 'Straight outta Compton' then had them eating out of the palm of his hand with the classic Public Enemy song 'Fight The Power' At this point, we had to leave for the Train, and led a conga dance to the platform, after buying several more trays of beer for the train. It was loud, it was funny, it was pure Scouse humour and all of Euston Station was joining in laughing as we made our way to the train.

Below, Classic Ricky moment at Euston Station, it soon got ugly though!



On the Train, we settled down and drank a few more cans before Ricky tuned up the old banjo to give a few more songs. We sang 'In my Liverpool Home' and 'Ferry across the Mersey' with 'Dirty Old Town' and 'Let it Be', then Ricky went to the toilet and asked me to mind his banjo. I picked it up, and being a guitarist, managed to play it fairly ok. I began to play Bob Marley's classic reggae hit 'Buffalo Solider' when Ricky came bursting back in. "The guards on his fu**ing way" he informed me. I just laughed and asked what the big deal was "I've bunked on" he said.

Tickets Please!

Ricky sat down looking a bit worse for wear. He pointed to a nearby passenger and offered to finish his crossword then finish him, then began to get increasingly agitated by other passengers, accusing them of being 'a bunch of Southern Tw***' and a bunch of 'stuck up toffee nosed gobsh****'. I was becoming embarrassed as I was in his company, Ricky then turned to me and accused me of robbing his train ticket, it was at this point the Train guard walked in and called out 'Tickets Please'

17 stone of bearded sweating Tomlinson

17 stone of bearded sweating Tomlinson suddenly launched at me in an effort to steal the ticket which I clutched in my hand, I used a can of Sainsbury's bitter to smash into the red nose which was inches from my face, then tugged at his scraggly beer stained beard, forcing his chin onto the little ashtray on the arm of my chair. This had little effect, and seemed to enrage him further as he accused me of being a 'Southern Kno*head' and advised me that he would pull my 'fu**ing head off and throw it out the window before Runcorn bridge' At this point the Ticket Guard was knocked unconscious as Ricky swung out recklessly with his banjo. The same instrument that had entertained us with the gentle strains of 'Let it Be' was now being used to viciously beat another passenger who had tried to stop the insane Inter City 'Train Rage'. At this point, I knew it was up to me to win this fight for the people of Liverpool. If Ricky had continued, it was certain he would have killed someone. He was by now threatening to crash the train into the Mersey to drown all the 'southern bas****' who he imagined were 'to blame for everything'.

Below, Ricky loses the plot and hits out at a train guard

Revived with fresh air

I had to act fast and shouted out 'There's Cilla Black' whilst pointing to the next carriage, Ricky hesitated, then, as quick as a flash, I ran and aimed a precision kick to the Royale family jewels. He went down like a lead balloon, but I had to make sure he would stay there so I took a crate of Sainsbury's bitter and smashed it down onto his head, maybe more than once. Several passengers were by now applauding my action, but I swear that it was an accident when the crate of Sainsbury's bitter smashed the window. Although it appeared that I was forcing Ricky out of the window, I was in fact trying to revive him with fresh air.

Broken banjo and beerstains

Several Police came rushing on at the next station. Ricky was now unconscious, but several witnesses told the officers of my brave efforts to stop this law breaking mad man, and after asking me for contact details, I watched as Ricky was carried off the Train at Rugby Station, a sad dejected broken man, covered in beer stains, his broken banjo and luggage carried by the officers whilst passengers applauded.

Below, banjo players in a peace concert raise funds for the victims of banjo related violence



Note: Ricky was released without charge after a crumpled train ticket was found in his pockets.

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