Kirkby Times won support for its investigative report into Match Fixing in Kirkby.
Our photograph of the ref with a wad of cash in his hand led many to draw the
conclusion that something funny was going on. Reports have now been coming in
and it seems the matter has not ended. The Match which was featured in our
bribery article was the prestigious Quarry Green Tenants Clubs 'Seniors Versus Juniors'
Annual Football Match.
A Communist Plot?
Tony Brown is the Manager of Athletico Quarry Green and also the manager
of the Quarry Green Juniors who were involved in one of Kirkby's most
controversial matches recently. He has openly bragged on numerous
occasions of his contacts in Moscow, and is believed to have links
with the Russian Mafia, along with his brother. He wears an authentic
Red army Russian Hat and has been spotted in Kirkby Library reading
the Morning Star and mumbling about 'Destroying Western Civilization'.
It seems that he is indeed busy trying to destroy the heart's of the
British people, possibly plotting to destroy our footballing culture
in an effort to destabilize Society so his evil communist paymasters
can rule the UK with a Hammer and Sickle and an Iron Curtain! The match
fixing allegations have done the rounds in Kirkby for some years, but
the Annual Seniors versus Juniors match recently exposed the allegations
as indisputable facts.
Match fixing
Tony Brown was thrown out of the former Sunday League for Match Fixing. He was
often seen in the company of Hans Seegers, Bruce Grobbelar and Justin
Fashanu shortly before winning large sums of money on the little known
Asian betting market. His run of good luck at local betting shops led
to his being banned because as one Betting shop manager told us "He never
lost. Ever. He just came in, placed his bet, and always won!"
These thoughts were in the minds of the Senior Players as they ran out for
the kick off of the annual crunch match. They felt something was wrong. All
of us who watched were tainted by what we saw. Together we witnessed the very
essence of England Football itself, being reduced to a farce.
Men of Honour
There can be little question that the only way to gain
any honour from this episode would be to arrange a rematch.
Quarry Green Seniors manager, Gerry Gregory, has been behind
moves to arrange a re-match. Gerry originally emigrated from
Greece to Kirkby in the mistaken belief he'd bought a home in Kirby,
a village 4 miles from Oxford for a bargain price. Gerry was supposed
to have played in the recent controversial match, but a mysterious 'Knee
injury' stopped him from taking part. Luckily the mysterious 'Knee injury'
cleared up 2 days later when Gerry braved the dance floor at the Quarry Green
Club. One drinker confessed "Its funny how he couldn't manage 90 minutes on the
field, yet spent 5 hours dancing like John Travolta with a wasp up his ar**"
Ref Must Remain Neutral
The re-match would need to closely monitored and the referee must be
absolutely neutral. Under no circumstances can we allow any fixes, bribes
or underhand tactics to tarnish the reputation of football here in Kirkby.
The re-match will be an opportunity for 'men of honour' to carry on the
fine noble English tradition of getting pi**ed and then 'sweating all that
ale out' as they take part in a Football Match. Windy Harbor, known as
'the Killing fields' must once again be a place were the game of Football
is not decided by sinister figures that 'cut deals'with referees.
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