Kirkby Times can reveal that Liverpool and England football star Steve Gerrard has been
accused of racism by several sources. The story is set to see the 'racism in football' row step
up a pace with allegations which will rock the footballing world.
Gerald in sick return to slavery
Dwayne Morely of Toxteth, Liverpool, claims that he was one of several local black men
who have been targeted by Gerrard.
"I'm just an ordinary bloke" he told Kirkby Times,
"I was walking back from a night out in town, never scored no success with the ladies,
which is unusual for me, it was an unlucky night, do you know warra mean? Anyway, this
van pulls up and I was, like, carried off in captivity to some farm in Formby to pick
spring onions". Dwayne continues
"When I got to the farm, Gerrard was there and
said that we were, like, his slaves", Dwayne adds that
"At first
I thought it was like some new scheme for the unemployed, but we never got
paid, not even a bevvy or a smoke for the lads". After escaping by hiding
under an outgoing delivery of sacks of spring onions, Dwayne eventually
sought political asylum in Rainford, the first recorded case of a
Liverpool born man to do so. A spokesman for Liverpool City Council
told Kirkby Times that
"We are acutely embarrassed by the
revelations that Liverpool is host to slave farms run by racist footballers".
We bonded.
Dwayne sought legal advice from Liverpool 8 law society.
"I'm gonna sue
that Racist Gerrard now kidda" he assured our reporter.
"I mean,
there was no white lads on the farm, only the bosses, so that's like racist" Dwayne
says he feels for the other lads left behind and makes a plea to our reporter
"I just wanna, like, say, like, I feel for the lads left behind, they was
like me brothers, I spent 5 long terrible days in captivity with them, and we
like, bonded, we suffered injustices together, we sang '3 times a lady' together,
we wept for what we was not getting off the ladies. It's like, I escaped, but
Gerrards still got the rest of the lads working like slaves, and it's, like,
racist. Do you know what I mean?"
Below, Dwayne at a recent Karaoke benefit gig sings his rendition of the all
time classic,
'You're once, twice, three times a lady' Dwayne dedicates the song to
'all the ladies in the audience tonight who I haven't yet slept with'
Black man dead from lack of 'good loving'
Dwayne also expressed a fear that one of his fellow
'slaves' captured by the
racist slave master Gerrard, may have died.
"One of the lads there was a real
player with the ladies" he explained
"He'd been in captivity for 15 days and
had no action with the girls, he's a real ladies man, like me, and he told me he
might not make it, that a black man may as well be dead than not have sex for a month,
and that if I should ever get out, this brother told me I should tell the World that
this man is suffering and could die through a lack of good loving off the ladies."
Dwayne stopped, his hand visibly shaking as he made a clenched fist
"This
is an injustice on the black man of Toxteth, and Gerrard is a bad racist man
for taking away the sexual rights of black men."
'Hitler worshipping scumbag'
Another accuser is Dave Redmond, pictured above, editor of Everton FC
Fanzine
'Liverpool FC are Shit', who claims that Gerrard is a
'Hitler worshipping scumbag'.
Dave is busy typing out the latest issue of the fanzine, he takes off his glasses and
informs us that
"Steve Gerrard is a pure classic snide fascist, he has been that
way since he was a kid, he is prejudiced against everyone, like all Liverpool
players and supporters" Dave recalls an incident in 1998 when Steve
Gerrard led an attack on a 87 yr old war hero wearing a poppy. The
attack was carried out due to the old war hero having mentioned to
Gerrard that he was
'proud of having fought Hitler'. Dave posed the question
"What sort of snide can hit and beat an old war hero?", he answers his own question
"Only a fu***** Liverpool player, only a dirty RED, cheating, snide, racist
bas**** called Steve Gerrard" Dave also warned Liverpool supporters that they
were getting
'too fu**ing big for their boots" and were
'bitter as hell about
Evertons past Greatness". He finished off our interview by offering to personally
punch
'anyone and everyone' who had said anything bad about Everton
or those who defended the racist Gerrard.
Gerrard "the most ideologically driven Nazi in Britain"
A spokesperson for the 'Kirkby Left Wing Unity Movement Of A Few People
For New Labour Corruption Against The Nazis' told Kirkby Times that
"Gerrard may
well be a leading light in the premier league, but beneath this seemingly
innocuous exterior of footballing genius, is a man of extreme and calculated
obsessive intense hatred. Over the past ten years, Gerrard has emerged as
the most ideologically driven Nazis in Britain, preaching race war and terrorism
to innocent school children."
Clubland Race Fears
An insider at a Liverpool nightclub told Kirkby Times that Gerrard would
'spend a good part of the evening giving out racist abuse to any black door staff'.
One doorman who refused to be named out of fear for his families kneecaps
spoke of an atmosphere of 'pure racist evil' when Gerrard and his entourage
came into the club.
"It was like Hitler was back" he told Kirkby Times.
The Verdict: The evidence is clear, its 100% crystal clear and Kirkby Times can
say, without hesitation or fear of legal redress, that Gerrard should immediately be
arrested charged and swiftly imprisoned without trial or forensic evidence under the
incitement to racial slavery act of 1875. The police should torture him into
confessing and the 1457 State Torture Act gives provision for such actions.
The proof is overwhelming, you can practically smell it, and Gerrard must
answer for his crimes. Kirkby Times is proud to take the torch of social
justice and scorch this racist Gerard with the flames of human justice.
Furthermore, who could blame us if we threw inflammable liquid on him
and set fire to his racist ways with the aforementioned torch? Bob Marley
once sang
"We've got to chase those crazy baldheads out of town" He could
almost have penned the tune after seeing the indignity of the black man of Toxteth
suffering in the Gerrard spring onion farm of slavery and injustice. Public
Enemy once sang
"Fight the powers that be", they could have penned that
tune upon hearing news of this latter day slave farm of shame. Let black and
white unite against Gerard and all he stands for. As a sign of our disgust
at this racist, Kirkby Times would appeal for all Liverpool fans to sing
'You'll never walk alone' just before the final whistle at the next home
game. We also ask that you inquire from your greengrocer as to the source
of his spring onions. Somewhere out there in the backwoods of Countryside
and farming areas, if ever you may hear the mournful tones of the slaves
singing 'once twice three times a lady', you may ask yourself
'is this
justice?' You should also phone the police because it is most definitely
not justice, it is racist slavery.
Coming Soon: Gerald the Sexist . A Liverpool Call Girl blows, amongst other things,
the whistle on Gerrard's sexual behaviour in the past -
"Rooney is a Gentleman compared
to Gerrard" she stated, speaking from the Unhappy Miller public house. Given
Wayne's idea of
'romancing the ladies' allegedly involves £140, 15 mins bending
over in a damp bathroom in a half derelict house, and a few cans of Stella Artois,
we can only wonder what Gerrard's approach moves are in the game of love. A quick
knee trembler in the alleys behind Anfield for a pair of tickets for the next home game?
Coming later Gerard the Crack Dealer: How a Kirkby man phoned up a new dealer at
3 in the morning and discovered Greedy Gerrard, not content with raking in
Millions in his football career, sneaking around selling crack cocaine to
his own community. The Kirkby man who purchased the crack was disappointed
at the purity level
"It was crap" he claimed
"Wayne Rooney does a better deal".
Coming after: Gerard the Serial Killer. There are people being found dead in
Liverpool, London, Birmingham, Manchester and other places which all have one thing
in common. Gerrards been there, and used the cover of playing football to do other
things. If you're a drug dealing sexist sick fascist, how long is it before the call
of the old serial killing demons lure you to commit crimes of murder? Is Gerrard a
killer? Is he capable of cold blooded murder? We ask these questions and find
answers - soon.
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