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Internet Sex Shock!
A Kirkby Women is suing a Yorkshire man who she met online and later became
pregnant to. The incident will make legal history as the couple have yet to meet and the pregnancy
is claimed to have occurred after a 'Cyber Sex' session performed online by the couple.
Brewers Droop stopped play
Dave Theakston 36 of West Yorkshire told Kirkby Times that he denied the paternity suit
lodged against him. "I had drunk a lot of some guest Real Ale in the local and came
back to a mates where I admittedly had cyber sex" Dave claims that it was not
'penetrative intercourse' due to a sever case of 'Brewers droop' Dave reluctantly
admitted through his lawyers that he had in fact suffered from
'Yorkshiremans smallman syndrome' after several years enthusiastic consumption of over
587 Guest Real Ales. Dave claims that 'Monks Mire' an infamous Yorkshire
Real Ale led to his manhood shrinking to "such an extent that intercourse
was impossible"
Taking Liberties
However the Kirkby Women at the Center of the breaking controversy spoke to Kirkby
Times to clarify the situation. Tracy La Coste of Southdene Kirkby said that her
pregnancy was "definitely the result of what he done on the internet" Tracy, a
mother of 4 claims that "he took advantage cos I was drunk on a spare 3 bottles
of Baileys Irish Cream, I'd already thrown up but he carried on regardless taking liberties"
Sperm Trajectory Theory. Alcohol a Factor
Experts differ in whether the pregnancy was possible through a 56k
modem connection. Professor Dave Numbskull of Kirkby Colleges IT department
spoke about 'a lack of research into sperm trajectory over the internet",
but a Professor Jim Dimwit of Huyton college believes that "it's possible
for a sperm to travel over the phone line and even more likely given the use
of alcohol" BT refused to comment and slammed the phone down on our reporter.
Monks Mire not to blame
Legal Observers will have to wait while this legal first goes through the due course
of process, but there are those who remain highly skeptical as to this whole
case. A spokesman from the Monks Mire Brewery in Yorkshire contacted Kirkby
Times to point out that 'Monks Mire Real Ale was only one of 587 real ale's
consumed by Dave.
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